beyond the horizon.

i thought i knew you.

but its fine with me if you wont believe me.

1:27 a.m. on 2006-10-22

sigh, do you understand?

i guess not.

i thought i could trust you.

i let my guard down.

but then again, i'm the fool.

i'm the stupid, idiotic b*stard.

and it sucks to be feeling this way.

1:24 a.m. on 2006-10-22

it hurts.

really much.

to be that close to you.
7:37 p.m. on 2006-09-09

MOVEDD!

http://-myescapology.blogspot.com/
10:08 p.m. on 2006-06-06

my adorable mum. (:

mum: are you lesbian?
sam: no? why would i be?
mum: why do you call jean your girlfriend?
sam: huh? why cannot?
mum: isnt she from chij?
sam: YAR? SO?
mum: ALL GIRLS SCHOOL YOU KNOW?
sam: so?
mum: YOU SURE YOU ARE NOT LESBIAN?
sam: actually mum, i wanted to tell you long ago, i AM lesbian.
mum: ARE YOU SURE?!
sam: yeah pretty sure.
------------------------
mum: you know, gays are nice people.
sam: I BEG YOUR PARDON, MUM?
aunt: yeah. they are.
----whole story about gays----
mum: YAR someday i'll introduce you to some of them.
------------------------

HAHA DONT YOU JUST LOVE MY MUM. (:
11:20 p.m. on 2006-06-05

`jean and nigel!!

aww mann! =( i was reading jean's and nigel's blog.

and i feel really really blessed by these 2 silly people.

jean's my beloved girlfriend. hahas she's really funny. she's there 24/7. and she made school REALLY FUN. and EMBARRASSING. hahahas. (: she's really really sweet (: and i <3 her!!

[yeah. and my mum's been asking me one zillion million times if i'm straight] =b

nigel nigel. well initially i wasnt really close to him. till the rugby match at some home team place. AND he found out ALL MY SECRETS and decided to do something. but well. he's really sweet and caring. AND not forgetting, naggy. (: but i know he means well. (:

AND I MISSED YOU TWO SO MUCH!!
10:49 p.m. on 2006-06-05

4 days of country stay

OH MY. the past 4 days disasterous.

toilets filled with spiders. dim bathroom with flickering lights insects. firewood heater. no electricity. creaking beds. spider webs. cows at your door.

ERRGH.

and it took us about 5 hours to arrive at the farm! AND when we finally got there, put down some stuff, it was time to get dinner.

so we drove out to the 'town' to get pizza and fish&chips. AND we got lost. so by the time we got home, it was like. 9pm.

-.-

okay. so day2.

2km jetty walk.
underwater observatory.
2km walk back to shore.
some weird dressed up spiderman.
lighthouse.
steamboat dinner.

day3

chocolate factory.
lavender farm.
dairy farm.
olive factory.
drink olive oil [-.-]
lunch at bar [where we waited almost 90 mins for our food]
another chocolate factory.

day4

pack. pack. pack.
AND HOME I AM.

country life is NOT for me. =/
i would have gone crazy if we stayed any longer.

okay. here's the cow nonsense.

black cow produce coffee.
white cow produce milk.
brown cow produces coffee with milk.
(:

and im' GLAD I AM HOME.

10:29 p.m. on 2006-06-05

`sigh.

count baasheep. count moocow. count horse. count tree. count grass. count bird. count wood. count people. count cars.

=(

its lonely and cold here.

and sad.

2:23 a.m. on 2006-06-02

i'm tired. are you?

seriously. i'm going crazy.

11 people living in one house.

with most of them having the logic that boys are way better than girls.

LIKE arghh! at dinner i had to go sit on the floor with the 2 lil' kids cause 'i should give in to the boys and let them sit at the table' =/

and we agreed they'll use the computer from 8pm-10pm. but at 1030 they wont move. and my aunt's like. 'let them play! give in to the boys'.

like ARGH!

HOW UNGENTLEMANLY

sorry girfriend! =( you had to wait so long. and in the end i still didnt manage to catch you online! =(

COME ON MANN. equality of sexes.

so dissingg =(

AND the thought of going to live with 10 other people in some 'small little warm hut in the middle of green grassy field with sheep and cows' make me sick. =(

and seriously. kids are adorable. but living with 2 chatterbox tweety-bird like kids is NOT adorable. they'll drive you nuts, asking you to chase their socks, or bugging you to bring them out to the backyard to play with the dog [and they start screaming at the sight of the dog running towards them], or asking you to fix some bionicle toy they just got from TOYS R US. =/

AND GUESS WHAT. today jeremy made me play ps2 with him. but apparently he got too pissed cause this cousin of his had slow reflexes and couldnt react fast enough. -.-

GREAT.

sigh.

i'm tired of pleasing the world. of making everyone else happy.

i'm tired of looking out for others. and meeting their needs.

i'm tired of putting on a brave front, trying to smile and say that i'm alright. when i'm not and i'm tearing inside.

i'm tired of waiting and trying so hard. only to fall harder each time.

i'm really really tired.
12:35 a.m. on 2006-06-02

a great way to spend the next 4 days

and so for the next few days, there'll be no technology [hopefully there'll be lights], no msn, no computer.

only me, 10 other people [half of which are kids], cows, sheeps, horses, wood, trees.

count sheeps. chase cows. ride horses. milk cows. chase sheeps. count cows.
GREAT.

goodbye complicated world. hi simple life.

i'm tired of pleasing the world.

7:43 p.m. on 2006-06-01

sometimes.

sometimes i wish things were simplier.

sometimes i wish i didnt think so deep into things.

sometimes i wish i was shallower.

sometimes i wish i wasnt so dumb.

sometimes i wish i could change the facts.

sometimes i wish i could see some light.

sometimes i wish i could know where i'm heading.

sometimes i wish i wasnt so helpless.

sometimes i wish things were different.

sometimes i wish things werent the way they are.

sometimes i wish i wasnt so lost.

sometimes i wish i could make a difference.

but most of the time, i just wish i could live in a fairytale.

where the story ends happily ever after
3:28 p.m. on 2006-06-01

simultaneous equations.

no eat = thin ------------------------ (1)
eat = no thin ------------------------ (2)

(1) + (2)
eat + no eat = thin + no thin

factorise,
eat (1 + no) = thin (1 + no)

hence,
eat = thin (shown)

ITS TRUE. cause THE MORE I EAT THE MORE WEIGHT I LOSE. i think its more efficient than whatever slimming centre. LOL.

46-->44-->42
HA.

i should just stop eating. maybe i'll grow fatter.

(:

03:31 a.m. on 2006-06-01

day 5.

okay. we went town. did MORE shopping.

im' pretty happy. (: i got a few tops[MY SIZE! - hahas. its really hard to get clothes here. sometimes a XS wont even fit] from french connection and portsman. AND i got more belts (:

and well. the whole time [since i got here 6 days ago] we've been having potatoes, carrots, brocoli, meat and chips. so imagine, everyday, on your plate, you see orange carrots, green brocoli, red meat, yellow chips, yellow potatoes, brown meat.

you'll get sick of it. BLAHH.

arghh! no matter how much i drink, my skin's still really dry. AND worse of all. just now my skin just tore. =/ and its bleedingg. and my lips are CRACKING. and it HURTS! =( gahh.

OH and another thing. everyone here is threateningly tall. so its like, when you walk on the streets, everyone else is taller. HAHA [now i know how it feels like to be short =b]

okayy. enough of rantingg.
click here for the photos. (:
02:33 a.m. on 2006-06-01

reasons that reason does not know

some of us think that holding on makes us strong;
but sometimes it is letting go

est-ce que je dois attendre toute une vie longtemps?

11:56 p.m. on 2006-05-30

day 4.

RARR. hahahas. today i was tortured
horribly

they made me try dresses, and nice girly lacy tops, flowery skirts, and what others. [the things adults make you do]

ARGH. and at the end of the day, all i got was a pair of billabong flip flops, a nice belt, some earrings and a few tank tops.

AND GUESS WHAT! i saw a REALLY PRETTY RAINBOW. it was just what i needed to brighten up my day. too bad the camera couldnt capture it well. =(

today's waffles night. its like. half price. WOOTS. (:

and my aunt's cooking some roast beef. smells good [oh im' gonna grow so fat]

ARGH! its really impossible to go out and run here. its either too cold in the morning, or in the evening, like NOW at 5:30pm, its already so dark. ARGH.

http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8AZOWrFi3YtmXc�ag=1

5:27 p.m. on 2006-05-30

shades of blue purple

the sweetest notes of the human heartstrings are dull with rust shrinking within myself in voiceless sorrow

i think i'll be the next one to give up
01:57 p.m. on 2006-05-30

day 3.

HAHA lixin told me this morning that i got full marks for math test. (: woots.

its really really colddd here noww. like. it's so cold my fingers have gone all numb and i cant feel them. =/

went to hay street to have dinner with auntie cat and uncle aaron and their kids.

then they wanted icecream!! hahas. so they had icecream while i had hot chocolate. which turned cold in 2 mins!

and we had to walk really farr back to the carr. and i was FREEZINGGGGGG! like. the jacket and tee wasnt warm enoughh. my legs were all wobbly.

HAHA and my dad was saying he'd better hold on to me before i fly away.

BRRRR. and its really really colldddddd. i'm right beside the heater. but it's still REALLY COLLDDDDD.

arggghhh.

oh no girlfriend. how're you doing there! i wanna watch xmen3! =( *pouts. are you okayy? he's not worth the agony la. =( well i wish i could talk to you on the phone noww! =((( i'll get my idiot to call you if you wanna. hahahahs. (: well i'll bring you back some chocolate [though i know you dont really fancy them] but they will help to cheer you up! HAHAHAS or maybe some joosters! (: hahahas. and well cheer up la. coach always scolds us anyway. (: well she probably does it cause she wants you to do well at nationals. so yeah. cheer up alrights? i'll be back in 2 weeks! (:(:(:

http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8AZOWrFi3YtmXN�ag=1
10:38 p.m. on 2006-05-29

day 1 and 2 (:

HAHA okay. i'm FINALLY here. (:
well the plane ride was ONE HORRIBLE ONE. considering the fact that i have motion sickness [which means i felt like puking THROUGHOUT the whole entire 5 hour journey here], PLUS the horrible scary ride [like imagine being on the plane during a thunderstorm, and the lighning is just outside your window pane], and not-fantastically-but-still-edible food that was served at 4am, im quite glad to bere here safely.

well its been pretty cold here. like. 6 degrees. and i've got new jackets and sweaters [well cause tank tops really dont keep you warm]

the irony? i've had 4 scoops of icecream in 2 days. (:

well. nothing much's changed. not even the shopping centres. still pretty much the same shops.

hahahas. today we went to freemantle to have fish and chips [near the sea]. which was pretty colldddddd. OH and we had icecream again! hahahas.

on friday we'll be heading off to the country for 4 days. [urgh]

so yeahh.

and i think this is the ONLY time my mobile's actually so quiet =/ like no calls, no smses [except 2 from jean yesterday] pretty sad!

and its weird not talking to jean, like i do everyday! we're ALWAYS on the phone or smsing. the only time my phone's quiet [when i'm in singapore] is when i'm with jean. HAHAHAS. ah wells. =( 15 days more.

and YES. i AM growing fat. URGH. =( hahhas.

i shall go for a run tmw morningg. with bessie. [who will probably run faster than me (cause she's a dog)]

girlfriend! (: i bought some pretty stuff for you. i cant seem to text you from that starhub online webpage! =( hahahas. your malay boy's so funny! how did he lose his phone?! LOL.

my IDIOT'S REALLY CUTE!!! hahahas. (:

anyways. i've uploaded the pictures. http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8AZOWrFi3YtmW6�ag=1

11:59 p.m. on 2006-05-28

in the quietness of the night.

she leaves.
silently, and unnoticeably.

does it even matter to you?
4:23 p.m. on 2006-05-26

which direction we should go now

because i'm tired of waiting by the telephone,
i'm tired of waiting till the cows come home.
i'm tired of waiting till the sun goes down,
i'm tired of waiting when you're not around.
02:35 a.m. on 2006-05-26

shagged

OKAY. my stress level is to the MAXIMUM already.

there's a never ending list of things-to-do.

its hard to even prioritize and see what's more important.

i mean, if you had to choose between packing for perth, or preparing for your gp test, or writing your econs essay, what would you do?

OH.

my retard's really cute!! (:

i cant wait to leave. i want a break.
a good break. a clean break.
from this cruel society. this cruel world.

and the reason is you.
7:56 p.m. on 2006-05-25

ERRRRRR...

THANKS TO TZELING, i'm starting to wonder if i have a sleep disorder.

mr ttl ▪ [ e epathy] says:
if you routinely fall asleep within 5 minutes of lying down, you probably have severe sleep deprivation, possibly even a sleep disorder..

err oh no. then i went to check it up on the net. and it says:

The amount of sleep a person needs also increases if he or she has been deprived of sleep in previous days. getting to little sleep creates a "sleep debt", which is much like being overdrawn at bank. eventually your body will demand that the debt be repaid.

too little sleep leaves us drowsy and unable to concentrate the next day. it also leads to impared memory and physical performance and reduce ability to carry out math calculations.

THANKS. i've got math test tmw.

8:48 p.m. on 2006-05-24

`past the yesterday and beyond the tomorrow

you are part of my existence, part of myself. you have been in every line i have ever read. you have been in every prospect i have ever seen since - on the river, on the sails of the ships, on the marshes, in the clouds, in the light, in the darkenss, in the wind, in the woods, in the sea, in the streets. you have been the embodiment of every graceful fancy that my mind has ever become acquainted with. the stones of which the strongest london buildings are made, are not more real, or more impossible to be displaced by your hands, than your presence and influence have been to me, there and everywhere, and will be.
11:50 p.m. on 2006-05-24

and we all wonder.

kenton: [to george] hey you should join rugby. you have good potential if you join the team.
george: [stares blankly]
nicholas: hai. so unfair. how come he say to you but he never say to me.

HAHAHHAHAHHAS.

and i cant find my spects!!

ARGHARGHARGH.

and after much observation, amirah and i concluded that ruggers have nice butts! hahahs. AND tzeling agreed too. HAHHAHAAS. (:

2 days.

will you even realize?
7:28 p.m. on 2006-05-24

miss...

a fluttering glance;
our eyes meet briefly for a second
you smile meekly.
somehow, i do not know why,
but every inch of pain
is suddenly lifted off me.
3:32 a.m. on 2006-05-24

fade away

okay. great. today is probably my clumsiest day. ARGh.

5 items wasnt that bad. got As and Bs for all.

oh my. we saw tong loong jump broad jump. OH MY. he looked as though he didnt need any force at all? and just flew to like. 260+++ or something.

and ken did chin ups like as though no strength was needed. GOSH.

all these crazy ruggers are making us look so lousy! ARGH. [whoops]

and i twisted my knee during shuttle run. AND then the next thing, i went to the washroom and fall again.

and for the rest of the day, i've been tripping and falling over things and legs and slipping down staircases.

ARGh.

and mr leow had to make fun of me? he was trying to imitate me limping. -.- and he said 'next time, when you look back, and only see a pair of footprints, it's cause i was carrying you'. hahahas. right. GREAT heh.

well. no more trainings or pc for me till i get back from perth.

OH! my retard's really cute. hahahas. =b

things between ___ and i are really weird right now? its like. i think everyone knows? and its a big big joke. some guy from jean's chem class asked who i was or smth like tt. OH MY.

okay. gp portfolio. lit written assignment. econs essay. geog written report.

math test. econs test. lit test.

sigh.

3 days. and i havent started packing.

i dont wanna face reality.
bruised and battered.
torn and tattered.

tell me not to lie, tell me not to wait
8:14 p.m. on 2006-05-23

too fast. too sudden.

drifted along through the day. not sure what i was doing. didnt bother anyway.

i want a break.

i'm sick and tired of all these nonsense.
i'm exhausted from doing everything.
i'm tired of clearing up the mess made by others.

i'm human too.

i have feelings.
i have emotions.

i can hurt. i can bleed.

i'm tired. mentally. physically.

the only thing i can thank God for is for such great friends. jean. nigel. edmund.

and maybe for the 33/50 for my gp portfolio?

and i dont wanna keep having that lil' glimmer of hope. i dont wanna keep wishing. i'm tired. of waiting.

room. messed. work. messed. life. as messed.
head. pain. knee. pain. heart. as pain.
rain. cold. fever. cold. you. as cold.

i wish i was numb.

but does it matter to you at all?
5:26 p.m. on 2006-05-22

i just dont understand.

hot. cold. hot. cold.

pain. pierce. pain. pierce.

10:48 p.m. on 2006-05-21

We started as friends
But something happened inside me
Now I'm reading into everything
But there's no sign you hear the lightning, baby

You don't ever notice me turning on my charm
Or wonder why I'm always where you are

I've made it obvious
Done everything but sing it
(I've crushed on you so long, but on and on you get me wrong)
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song

I've heard you talk about
(Heard you talk about)
How you want someone just like me
But everytime I ask you out
(Time I ask you out)
We never move pass friendly, no no

And you don't ever notice how I stare when we're alone
Or wonder why I keep you on the phone

I've made it obvious
Done everything but sing it
(I've crushed on you so long but on and on you get me wrong)
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song

You are my very first thought in the morning
And my last at nightfall
You are the love that came without warning
I need you, I want you to know

I've made it obvious
So finally I'll sing it
(I've crushed on you so long)
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song

And sing it until the day you're holding me
I've wanted you so long but on and on you get me wrong
I more then adore you but since you never seem to see

But you never seem to see
I'll say it in this love song

1:01 p.m. on 2006-05-19

HAHAHAS.

misslai[econs teacher]: blah blah blah. anyways nowadays you can easily set up more branches. look at jean ip. they're doing so well.
everyone: TURNS AND LOOKS AT JEAN

my poor girlfriend! hahahs

misszhou: by hook by crook, you better hand in your written report next week okay!
joanne: by hook or by crook?
misszhou: YES.
joanne: huh. so is it by hook? or by crook?
misszhou: JOANNE!!

jonathan: jie, do you suck?
sam: NO.
jonathan: then how do you drink from a straw?
sam: i suck?
jonathan: HAHA YOU SUCK!

oh whatever. LOL.

left school early. went to see the doctor. HAHA. another 3 day mc. LOL. (: oh wells.

couldnt wear my contacts today cause my eye hurt. really baddd. last night my contacts couldnt come off! =/

i want dunks! nice dunks. i cant decide whether to get it before i go perth, or go perth and look, then if i cant find nice ones, come back Singapore to buy. =/

my cousin doesnt know what dunks are. and apparently they're non-existent in perth. =/

and its getting pretty cold there! oh my. i dont wanna freezeeeeeeee.

and i realized i dont have many long-sleeved clothes? i think i AM gonna freezeeeee.

ah wells.

i want dunks. =(

okay. long weekend. but also long list of things-to-do.

** 1. start PACKING for the trip.
2. catch up on econs. [price elasticity]
3. read up human and physical geog notes, and complete the long-due tutorials.
4. literature written assignment.
5. geog written report.
6. start on pw gpp [HA]
7. study for econs test. [and that reminds me. ECONS PEER TUTORING]
8. study for GP TCA
9. study for chinese test [HA i'll still fail anyway]
10. study/practice for math test.
11. finish reading great expectations and highlight important quotes that will be relevant for lit test next week.
12. GP content module.
13. math tutorial 3.
14. math assignment 3.
15. math revision exercise.
16. econs essay.
17. chinese worksheet.

OKAY. next week's gonna be another long hetic week. we have tests for practically every subject. there's gp test, math test, econs test, chinese test, lit test.

GREAT. sounds exciting heh?

AND NIGEL. i am SO GONNA SLAUGHTER YOU OKAY. you horrible creature.

it�s such a shame we�re worlds apart
5:15 p.m. on 2006-05-18

oh my goodness

NIGEL TOTALLY EMBARRASSED ME.

KILL ME NOW.
11:16 p.m. on 2006-05-17

a beautiful game

okay. i'm really tired. my head's pounding.

i saw some really beautiful side stepping and passing. (: AND OF COURSE. I SAW JJ'S FIRST TRY [in all the games i've gone to watch]

argh. and i dont like pj's number 9. he has such sucky attitude. and WHAT IN THE WORLD. he kicked our rugger number 9. TSKTSK. what lousy sportsmanship! hahas.

OH and the ruggers dont look so bad with no-hair. hahas. its pretty cute actually. identity. LOL.

i met the whole rwc. hahas. OH and on the way back from PA, tzeling was telling us how she and tong loong met. really cute! >.<

nigel sent me ALL THE WAY HOME [though he lives in pasir ris]. thank you SO MUCH nigel! really appreciate it. talked to him quite a bit. and i'm quite surprised by how guys think sometimes! hahahs.

and its pretty weird cause ken called to thank me for going down to support them? and im like 'err okay...why the sudden politeness?' and he was like 'no la. you were there right?' and i'm like 'err yeah' =/

its weird cause he wasnt sure whether i was there? but yet called to thank me? =/

OKAY. and during lit we had to act out some poem thing. and like. ARGH. i was supposed to be a 'gentle lady singing sad songs about the end of love'. and gabriel lim said he expected me to SING. SING?!?!

=/ AND jean was my boyfriend, and DEAREST JOANNE [aka the narrator] had to say her name as *ehemehem. and i think the WHOLE CLASS KNEW! i'm SO EMBARRASSED.

and joanne wrote a love song for me [not to me], and idham had to write a POEM. =/ its rather embarrassinggg. gosh.

AND george kept arguing with me over lambs and sheeps and goats being 'mian yang' and 'xiao yang' and 'yang'. ARGH. =/

oh i was reading that colin and kero's blog? [its not that i discriminate gays] but i just think its really gross? and im so disgusted im not gonna be crooked [though i have a girlfriend, but hey girlfriend, lets not get SERIOUS okay] hahahas. i wanna get married to a GUY.

well i guess gabriel lim's right.

we're all princesses. we cant do anything else byt to wait for our prince charming.

so much for equality of sexes.

9:03 p.m. on 2006-05-17

SUCKS!

argh.
i puked before i could even have dinner.
i'm running a fever.
i'm feeling dizzy.
my nose is stuffed up.
my throat hurts.
i'm feeling horrible. and down. and grumpy.

the only consolation? a 3 day mc.

argh. i cant decide whether to go to school tmw.

i dont wanna leave my girlfriend alone.

and i dont wanna miss the rugby match.

argh. argh.

and OKAY...jet came up to me after school and randomly said 'hey sam there's this guy in my class who thinks you're cute'. ERRR OKAY. =/ its pretty weird cause being in an all girls' school for the past MANY YEARS, or rather my WHOLE LIFE, i've never heard anything like this. =/ and its pretty uncomfortable knowing that some unknown person has been taking notice of you.

yaddayaddayadda.

wai ip probably thinks that sam's some random person who calls him and hangs up before allowing him to finish his sentence. =/ then the next moment, he hears shrieks and sees sam at the grandstand.

brilliant. brilliant. brilliant.

the ruggers look pretty fine with their new hairstyle actually. but its pretty hard to recognize who is who cause they all look the same. =/

its been a long and dready week. and i'm tired.

for the pure love of the game? or for some other reason?
7:37 p.m. on 2006-05-16

ARGHARGHARGH.

HAHA what more is there to say? i embarrassed myself again today!

okay wait. just cause i wore earrings and contacts, it doesnt mean i'm a bimbo okay!

i totally humiliated myself! gosh.

i cant exactly remember what happened in the canteen. cause i was rather blur? but i knew that everyone at the table was laughing at me all the time. =/

THEN we went to the photocopying shop.
sam: auntie, 06a04
lady: *stares blankly at me.
sam: jc1?
baomin: on auntie, its pw.

ARGH. =/

then i was trying to tell baomin i wasnt a bimbo, and we walked pass the table where the ruggers were sitting and i was like 'AYE I AM NOT BIMBOTIC!' and the ruggers were like 'HAHAHAHA' =/

NOT FUNNY!

okay. then we went for chinese.
nicholas: i got a $70 salary!
sam: HUH for what? so expensive! TO MAKE SOUP?
jean: DARLING, its S-A-L-A-R-Y

GREAT.

and then. after chinese. we were walking to lt5. so in front of jean and i was a rugger. behind us was kenton and another j2 rugger. and they were EAVESDROPPING on jean and i talking. TSKTSK.

OKAY THEN AFTER PW. the greatest embarrassment.

jean and i went to ask tzeling if she wanted to watch wed's match. and she said she wanted to watch it very badly. so we decided to be polite and ask coach if we could have the wed off.
sam: COACH. can i ask a favour of you? pretty pretty please?
coach: what?
sam: ERRRR. can we have wednesday off to watch the rugby finals? you can come along. their coach pretty cute you know! and i'm sure the ruggers would want you there too. pretty pretty please?
coach: CAN!
tzeling+jean+sam: OH YAY.
coach: ON ONE CONDITION. YOU TELL ME WHO YOU LIKE.
sam: SHIT.
touch rug team: THERE THAT ONE! COACH! THAT ONE *point point point.

WAH can diee! oh gosh.

SO EMBARRASSING. and idham and hafiz and whoever else had to rub in la .

and then they all left me. and then i talked to nigel on the phone for quite a bit. and thanks a lot argh. rub it in rub it in.

okay so idham came after a long long while. and i was teaching him how to stand on your toes and do a split. hahahas. and he couldnt do it! HAHA and he called me a flamango just cause i did ballet! WHATEVER! lol.

and he was massaging me after that [which hurt quite a bit] but it was bearable.

and surprise surprise. the ruggers training ended earlier than the touch ruggers. AND SO. i was sitting there, at the grandstand with idham. embarrassment number WHATEVER [countless la].
sam: [talks to idham]
suddenly...
*hears some shouts. ARHARHARH! TURN AWAY TURN AWAY!
sam: *looks around. huh me?
OKAY THEN I SAW SOMETHING I SHOULDNT HAVE SEEN. damn. and so i leave the grandstand in TOTAL embarrassment.

and idham went to talk to rauf. and rauf was like 'why're you waiting for him? you're his girlfriend arh?' and idham gladly said 'yes'. WOW great. and when idham introduced me to him, he was like 'OH SAM! *openes eye bigbig

then idham pangseh me for hafiz. and so i went to find the touch ruggers. and so they were there talking.
sam: err coach, can i say something?
coach: YOU AGAIN! what?
sam: can we pretty pretty please have this wednesday off? if not you made me embarrass for nothing okay!
coach: I BET ONE OF THE GUYS LIKE ONE OF YOU RIGHT!
sam: ARGH NONO COACH. *points at tzeling. hahas that one that one!
coach: aiya that one married already la!
HAHAHHAHAS.

OKAY GREAT. and huijun had to rub it in and said 'samsam. another day of embarrassment'.

thanks thanks.

hahas. the ruggers are gonna shave their heads!hahas it's gonna be real funny la! hahas. then i was texting tzeling and i told her we should shave the rugger's heads for them! and this was what she said hahahas ya! then we can have our own designs.. its okay la the rwc will always welcome you. [regarding the previous incident]lol. hm. think i better get a beanie or cap for him. in case. hahas'
and she added 'we can enjoy the club's privilege'
FUNNY FUNNY.

ahahhas. OKAY. i'm looking forward to tmw. hahahas. to see a whole bunch of blue-bag-boys with no-hair. HAHAHAHHAAS.

ARGH. 2.4km. i'm dead.

9:35 p.m. on 2006-05-15

i'm sick and tired.

I GIVE UP.

2:44 p.m. on 2006-05-14

GREAT. just GREAT.

okay. technically my life's screwed.

today i had to take yen's class cause he was absent. so imagine:

12 kids. wanting your attention. trying to use styrofoam hearts + glue gun + super glue to make a broach and a flower for their mums.

boys running about. playing with the glue. getting all sticky and threatening to put glue on each other. everyone calling out for help. everyone wanting attention.

1 teacher. whose life is already screwed up enough.

and who just found out that lit test is tmw and she hasnt completed reading the book.

thank YOU for patronizing me. thank YOU for making my life so wonderfully colourful.

i am fit for nothing.
2:17 p.m. on 2006-05-14

just another embarrassing day.

training wasnt that bad today. it was rather fun. all of us went super high after trng. and i'm starting to love our team. (:

hahahas. tzeling's really funny. she said she's lonely being the only member in the rwc. HAHA. and she was like sam and jean wanna join me? OH GOSH. =/ ARHHH!

OH. our really nice senior threw a ball at tzeling, hoping she'd catch it, but it apparently hit her right at her head.

huijun: tzeling! are you okay?!
tzeling: yes, i think.
huijun: oh no! what if you suffer from brain damage!! what is tunlun's name?
tzeling: HUH?!

HAHAHAH and we all wonder who's the one suffering from brain damage. [she meant what is your boyfriend's name btw!] hahahahas.

and seriously. our seniors are REAL STRONG. they throw the balls so hard! i got like. jabbed in the stomach so many times and now it's hurting. =/ AND they when they 'touch' you, you can literally FALL from their push. GOSH.

but they arent so bad. i'm getting used to their frequent nagging and scoldings. ahhahas. they're quite nice actually. (:

OH we're getting our jerseys! and the touch rug girls were making fun of ME. because they wanted me to take a particular number which i refused to. oh and may i add that jean should be really thankful there wasnt a number 24 jersey if not she would have been made to take that number! =b

and during trng, we saw a flash of lightning, and coach said that it was REALLY NEAR US. and everyone was like 'oh no oh no. samsamsam! squat down!!' =/

funny funny.

and i tripped and fell over roxanne who fell while trying to collect a cone. =/ HILARIOUS.

when we were warming down, the whole team was making fun of jean and i. OH POOR US. =/ and we made a pact that we wont talk about 6 and 12 next week. =/ i highly doubt we'll be able to keep it. =/

SO after trng i went bukit panjang plaza with jean. and like, for some reason or another, everyone was staring at us. =/ maybe we were too noisy. OR maybe cause we were in fbts. =/

then we saw hello panda and went really high. LOL. and so we went to look for fbts for my girlfriend and she was really happy when she finally got it. (:

OH then we bought lesbian earrings [HAHA] and pencils. and we were like. SUPER HIGH over it.

and then. my MUM insisted i went facial and called me gazallion million times to make sure i really went. and the really nice and ROUGH lady who was doing my face got a shock when i said i was in touch rugby and commented that very few girls have a passion for that sport. and i was TOO SKINNY for that sport. thanks a lot. and i didnt really understand what she was trying to say CAUSE SHE WAS SPEAKING IN CHINESE, but i replied anyway. AND she blamed my bad complexion on touch rugby! she said its damaged and blah blah blah. and i should stay away from the sun or at least put sun block and take care of my complexion.

ANDANDAND. oh my goodness. i hate the after-effects of facial. your face is like. all red and stuff. and i had to meet PEOPLE WHOM I DIDNT REALLY WANNA MEET. darnn.

there's never a day when i dont embarrass myself heh.

arghh. tomorrow. church. kids. PATIENCE.

girlfriend! congrats for getting into the nationals team! hahas. do us proud k? (: and you silly! dont be sad, i'll support you morally and spiritually! (: hahahhas. its such a pity i wont be able to play with you/watch you play. but there's still next year! (: hahahas. just have fun and play well okay? hahas. [p.s. remember the $50 bucks the school will give us if we do well! hahahahhas] oh yar! we need a songg! (: hahahas.
5:43 p.m. on 2006-05-13

struggling to find the true meaning

there's something about you that tears me inside out whenever you're around

its such an irony
7:19 p.m. on 2006-05-12

its been a long wait, and i'm giving up.

like a game of tag
always being the 'it'
and the person you want to catch so badly is always out of grasp.

'he's dumb. he doesnt know how to treasure a rare gem'.

thank you kor! that was the MOST comforting thing i've heard today.

you're not worth my tears
08:37 p.m. on 2006-05-11

arghyparghy

OH MY. i am so totally embarrassed

it was such a horrid day.

1. this WEIRD j2 guy who was sitting on the same table as jean and i was eavesdropping on our conversation and checking me out. YUCKS.

2. i had to be dumb enough to come up with a brilliant idea, which backfired becuase of hafiz. i shouldnt trust him. REALLY.

3. and its also cause of that STUPID "BRILLIANT" plan of ours that we embarrassed ourself in front of kenton.

4. we got caught by gabriel lim, looking at old-ng and some other pe teachers plucking mangoes.

5. after learning journey, jean and i were doing zhuowen at the grandstand. when we were about to leave, the REALLY WONDEERFULLY NICE RUGGERS had to shout 'bye girls', and DEAREST LOVELY hafiz had to shout out names.
WONDERFUL.

i've many undone geog tutorials [which are all due tomorrow], a half completed chinese compo, math assignments, and a geog test tmw [which i havent studied for at all]

conrgats. you have graduated from 'the school of embarrassment' with first class honours.

what a WONDERFULLY BEAUTIFUL SUNNY day.

let's not have such high hopes
7:56 p.m. on 2006-05-10

hope for a better ending.

today was HORRENDOUS. the day was long and dready, i had horrible oral. [which was totally crap] because
a)we were only told yesterday
b)my laoshi just said 'wo bu dong ni zhai shuo she me'. i mean like. I WAS TRYING TO SAY THAT THERE WERE MANY SOLUTIONS TO A PROBLEM. and she interpreted as THERE WERE MANY PROBLEMS TO A SOLUTION. oh my.

and DARN LIT.

i hate it mann. first i couldnt think of anything to write for the assignment. NOW i've written 1080 words and have exceeded the word limit by 280 words.

arghh. when will i EVER be able to complete all the work.

not forgetting all the undone geog tutorials which is due on thurs.

OH and the human geog test.

oh yar. and i needa come up with a foolproof plan to KILL KEN.

ha. great.

it's a great day.
10:57 p.m. on 2006-05-09

its been one sided all along.

you're not a land mine

you're not a gold mine

no, your not mine at all
9:10 p.m. on 2006-05-08

there wasnt even a beginning to ours.

do all stories actually end happily ever after?

8:57 p.m. on 2006-05-06

spinning.

words and music by jonk and sam.
written on 05 may 2006

so tired of moving
through this place
i've somehow lost in time
so tired of figuring out
all those things...
why? oh, tell me why..

to make some sense
of what i'm living for,
i can't help but think
what lies for me behind the door

CHORUS
when my life seems spinning away
From everything i used to be believing
I've got to find that hope to keep surviving
Cos I know, I'll be back home one day,
When this life of trouble's over
And i know i'll live with Him forever
And that's where i'll find my lover

Some day.

2:21 p.m. on 2006-05-06

sam: you know, i always cant understand your language! hahahs.
ken:haha.. why?
sam:hahas i dunno! i just dont get it. maybe cause you're not coming out straight?
ken: haha.. how to come out?

oh my. it was HILARIOUS ! hahas ken's so funny!
its these small lil' things that make my day. (:

and tung lun is SO SWEET. he bought tzeling a pair of boots, and gave her a touch rug ball in a shoebag with a love note.

so sweet! (:

and idham argued, and said he was sweeter cause he had previously waited for a girl in the rain.

HAHA. (:

AND today. laoshi said i was 'si wen'. ARGHH! hahahas. eeks eeks eeks. just last week or smth she praised me for being sociable and outgoing, and good-mannered. or SOMETHING ALONG THOSE LINES. =/ eewwlll. hahahas. i seriously doubt her straightness.
but anyways, she said almost all touch rug girls are 'siwen'. and touch rug is the ONLY sport in jj that she supports cause they've been getting 1st. and this shows they have discipline and motivation. HAHA.

geog lecture was FUNNY. hahas. jean is still lesbian, and sam's her les' HAHAHAHAS. i'm PRETTY SURE ABOUT THAT!

AND chinese oral is next wednesday. okay. FREAK. i'm gonna start speaking chinese. like. XIAN ZHAI!

7:56 p.m. on 2006-05-05

leave me alone.

it sucks.

it hurts.

it's breaking me.

from inside out.

maybe we're better off as strangers.
2:51 p.m. on 2006-05-05

past tense.

what used to be happy teasing and nonsensical scolding, has become stranger like politeness.

bittersweet memories.
1:37 a.m. on 2006-05-05

BOYS BOYS BOYS!

oh my. this is getting real bad.

yesterday i cried

and today, it's jean's turn.

ARGHH.

9:27 p.m. on 2006-05-04

you.

having nothing, nothing can he lose -William Shakespeare

we had nothing to begin with.
1:07 a.m. on 2006-05-04

GAHGAHGAH.

is it worth fighting for?

is it worth the effort?

do i have the determination and strength to go on?

i dont know.

7:51 p.m. on 2006-05-03

jj ruggers.

i believed they tried their best.

i believe that they played hard.

i believe that they fought hard.

and i know that i am proud of them. (:

met charmy, germs, pee, pong, tab, jo, angeline today. (: hahahs. it's been a LONGLONGLONGLONG time since i last saw them (: hahahas. had dinner with them. and these JOKERS, especially germs, was checking kristian out! hahas. so hilarious. =b now germs is humiliated becuase i asked for kristian's number on her behalf. (: hahahs. so cute! >.<

okok. PI PI PI.

the greatest test of courage is to bear defeat without losing heart.
9:11 p.m. on 2006-05-02

does it matter to you?

a mighty pain to love it is,
and 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
but of all pains, the greatest pain
it is to love, but love in vain.

nothing else, but false hope.

9:56 p.m. on 2006-04-30

blessings in disguise.

God blesses us, in ways we cannot see.

i think its really true. and i've been thoroughly blessed by God

initially, i was upset that i couldnt get into acjc. i mean, it was EVERYONE's aim to go acjc.

and it was bad enough, being in a class scrutinized by others, being despised and looked down up, as one of the worst class.

O levels came, and flew pass.

and i know i wasnt happy with my results. why? because i couldnt get into acjc.

i thought that was the end. i was going to end up in some other jc, which was not a christian environment, and where the people were chinese speaking. and i'll just die.

but i think it's a real blessing that i didnt get into acjc. im not crazy or anything to say that, but jjc has really blessed me in many ways.

as i look back now, i realize that all this was part of God's plan. if i were in acjc now, i'll probably be some uncool, outcast, loner, in some unknown cca like, math and science club or smth.

i would be in that cliquish mg-acs environment. [i'm not saying that everyone in there is cliquish] no doubt there's no more chapels and daily devotions, or christian fellowship, or bible verses pasted all over classrooms, but i think my faith has been growing, more and more each day.

why? because in jjc, it's a non methodist school. you dont usually hear people talking about Christ, or even speaking about the gospel. and now i've come to realize the importance of daily devotions, chapels, etc. and hence, i've been doing my qt more faithfully, looking to God more often.

and it's been a blessing because i've met a few christians. (: who are really strong in faith. and who have been blessing me in many ways.

jjc has really humbled me. the people there are so much simplier. take for example. in mg, its a norm to get driven to school, and people judge you by the car you get fetched and picked in. but in jjc, it's a privilege to be driven to school.

people here are also really helpful, and very down-to-earth. they're always there, willing to help [not that those in mg or acjc arent]. and they're less materialistic. they're easily satisfied.

compared to the days in mg, i think i'm much happier. i dont need to worry about being judged, or being 'uncool', or being labelled as a 'geek' or anything.

i mean, jjc has helped me realize what it truly means to be satisfied. it doesnt mean having a lot of clothes/bags/shoes/money. to be satisfied, is to be happy and contented, with what you already have, and with those around you. [hanging around can also be satisfying.] (:

and really. there's been MANY blessings in disguise. (:

and it isnt that bad after all. (: something that i've realized is that the teachers are more caring, and they teach more patiently. i think in 'elite' schools, the teachers always have this mentality that their students always have ways and means to learn [eg tuition] and hence they dont really bother about teaching properly. AND another thing is that the students are REALLY hardworking. in mg, i thought they drilled us a lot for prelims and Os. but compared to my friends, its nothing. =/

well, now we know why 'neighbourhood' schools are doing better than 'elite' schools.

AND i've come to realize that people in jjc dont necessarily speak chinese!! no doubt there's a lot of chiense speaking people, but they can speak english too! hahas. and the people i hang around with speak mostly english (: even if they're chinese speaking, well, i can improve on my chiense! hahhaas. so its not so bad after all.

ANDANDAND! its in jjc that i learnt to love touch rugby! (: i mean, they dont even offer touch rugby in acjc.

maybe its because of the people, or maybe its cause it's co-ed. [and my first year being in a co-ed school] but school's been really fun. (: i've made lotsa wonderful friends. and lesbian [my lovely jean] and all the small lil' things that makes school, well, exciting. =b

.
and i think my perception of jjc [or any other 'neighbourhood' jcs] has changed tremendously (:

7:03 p.m. on 2006-04-30

touchaholic.

imagine:

blazing hot sun.
tedious running
tiresome pumping
endless passing.
time slowly passing.

that was how today's training was.

the sun made it not condusive to be motivated to run and all. GAH.

i promise never ever to sit out from training ever again. or get injured during training.

well at least i'll TRY.

it's pissing to sit out.

and it even more pissing how my hemstring and knee isnt getting well as fast as it should be.

i'm going to run in the mornings. with my lesbian, jean. (: hahahahas.

ohohoh! poor jean was embarrassed yesterday, and again today! yesterday was in front of the rugby team. today its in front of the touch rugby team. hahas.

let me re-enact.
huijun: JEAN! what's your surname? yip is it?

HAHAHAHS. yaryar. jean (y)ip! LOL.

=b

homework for the weekend [it's gonna be a long list]:
econs DRQ
econs essay
chinese worksheet
GP module assignment
GP exercise 3 question 1
math functions revision exercise
math tutorial 3
math assignment 3
human geog tutorial 2
human geog tutorial 3
human geog tutorial 4
physical geog tutorial 2
physical geog tutorial 3
physical geog tutorial 4
finish reading great expectations
finish reading portrait of the artist
PW PI.

=/

falsehope. falsehope. falsehope.

i dont understand.

as she face the sun, she cast no shadow.
1:35 p.m. on 2006-04-29

LOL

YAY! hahas. i got my soccer boots today! (:

HAHAHAHAS. and we bought KIDS SIZED SHOES. cause we couldnt fit into the men sized ones =/

and the funniest part was tt the two of us had no clue what soccer boots looked like, or what was the difference between studs and blades. hahahas. SOOO. we had to call for help.

and jean's sister's boyfriend [aka brother in law to be] was nice enough to drive us there. and he was like. LAME. and JACKING US ALL THE WAY!

hahas. it was weird cause he wasnt like. a boyfriend or an older brother or a dad?

and it's like. HIM and 2 jc students. =/

HAHAHAHS. oh wells. he was really hilarious. =/ like. coldly hilarious.

HAHAHHAS. OHOHOH! and he said that it's not a MUST for all boyfriends to drive their girlfriends around like he does. LOL.

but jean [obviously like her sister] would love for a guy to fetch her and drive her around. [just like her sister's boyfriend] and hence i shall do her a favour by...

HAHA *evil laughter.

JEAN YIP!

hahahhas. (:(:(:

okok. enough nonsense.

you CAN do IT.

10:15 p.m. on 2006-04-28

leadership

what does it mean to be truly reliable? the word reliable consists of the modifier re and the root word liable. liable meaning responsible and re indicates continuity. so if you put these two together, it means that the person is not only responsible but continuosly responisble.

a reliable leader is one who is responsible as we have established, and i may add that he is also the one starting something and letting others follow.

Imagine this scenario. you enter your class room and sit down. there is litter on the floor but you don't pick it up. the building's cleaner comes in and cleans the mess. SO who is the leader?

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." Matthew 16:24

"Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
6Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death�
even death on a cross!"
phillipians 2:2-8

dear Lord, teach me how to love these kids, just as you loved me. give me the strength, and teach me how to be patient, no matter how notorious or reluctant to learn they are. teach me what it means to be humble, and what it means to serve you wholeheartedly.

Pray Until Something Happens
12:13 p.m. on 2006-04-27

computer language. (:

Log on: add more wood to make the fire hotter.

Log off: don't add no more wood.

Monitor: watching the fire.

Download: getting the wood off the truck.

Hard drive: coming home without beer.

Keyboard: where you hang the truck keys.

Windows: what you shut when it's cold.

Screen: what you shut when it's mozzie season.

Byte: what mozzies do.

Megabyte: what them big mozzies do.

Chip: a snack.

Microchip: what's left when you finish the chips.

Modem: what you did to the lawns.

Laptop: where the cat sleeps.

Software: plastic knives and forks from Burger Barn.

Hardware: stainless steel knives and forks from wall-mart.

Mouse: what lives in the barn.

Mainframe: what holds up the barn.

Web: what spiders make.

Website: usually in the rafters.

Search engine: what you do when the truck won't go.

Cursor: what you say when the truck won't go.

Yahoo: what you say when the truck goes.

Upgrade: a steep hill.

Server: the girl at the pub who brings the beer.

Mail server: the guy at the pub who brings the beer.

User: the neighbour who keeps borrowing things.

Network: what you do when the fishing net's broke.

Internet: where you want the fish to go.

Netscape: where the fish go when they find the hole in the net.

Online: where you hang the washing.

Offline: where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.

11:20 p.m. on 2006-04-25

waiting. waiting. waiting.

well. read my friend's blog about waiting. (: let me just share.

I remember I saw an advertisement.

I think it was showed on tv, and it contained the number of days of your life that you spend doing something.

Like:
Sleeping -25 years of your life.
Walking - 8000 steps/day of your life.

Or something like that.

But what really made me ponder about the advertisement was waiting.

It showed the picture of a small girl at a window, and it said:
Waiting- Everyday of your life.

dont you find it rather interesting?

waiting-everyday of your life.

really true heh?

we always wait for something or someone everyday of our lives.

we wait...

for buses, trains, mrts, traffic lights, lifts, meal times, internet pages to load, people to reply on msn, etc.

but is it more than that?

do we wait every moment of our lives?

every moment of our lives we are waiting for something to happen.

we wait for...

exams and tests to be over.

A levels to be over.

university admission.

job promotion.

a competition.

an sms reply.

a reply from your friend on msn.

the week to be over.

our birthdays.

our weddings?

our kids to grow up.

[and maybe see them get married?]

someone special.

3:23 p.m. on 2006-04-16

well. school's been tiring. like. physically, and mentally.

work's piling high up.

my class is chaotic. we're kinda in a lot of trouble. but i still love them anyway.

(:

touch rug has been fun (: coach's real cute. hahhas. i love her. (: hahahas. and our team's starting to bond. and i'm starting to get everyone's name. i hope coach doesnt make a cut. =( well. i needa learn what it really means to give all you can, and to endure right till the end.

i needa run. seriously.

gah. okay. long weekend. lotsa accomplish.

AND i needa stop thinking about 6.

no pain,
no gain;
no thorns,
no throne;
no gall,
no glory.

hey jean! hang in there alrights? (: LOVE YOU LOADS! hahahahhahas. you should stop thinking about 6x2. hahahahas. =b
7:37 p.m. on 2006-04-13

(:(:(:

standing here in the presence
of something more than merely real
there are no words to describe you
or explain the way I feel

5:52 p.m. on 2006-04-09

Amazed

Jared Anderson

You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the sound

Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
How You love me

How wide
How deep
How great
Is Your love for me
5:59 p.m. on 2006-04-09

past tense.

what used to be happy teasing and nonsensical scolding, has become stranger like politeness.

what greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined together to strengthen each other in all labour, to minister to each other in all sorrow, to share with each other in all gladness, to be one with each other in the silent unspoken memories?
- George Eliot
1:44 a.m. on 2006-04-09

"resignation"

the greatest losers are those who quit without trying.

i tried my best. i gave it my 110%.

but all these deem too much for me.

i wish i had the extra time.

but with so many things, i think that its the only solution.

that i step down from student council.

i'm sorry for being such a disappointment.

9:22 p.m. on 2006-04-05

how great is our God.

and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose. -romans 8:28

what an assurance. (:

indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You are amazing God

7:00 p.m. on 2006-04-02

___________COUNCIL.

its hard. its difficult.

the going may get tough. it may get rough.

but the greatest losers are those who give up without trying.

i can do everything through him who gives me strength. philippians 4:13
10:04 p.m. on 2006-04-01

i dont understand.

gah.

hot cold hot cold hot cold

faith; accept whatever God has in store and to trust in His perfect plan.
faith; give thanks whatever the circumstance may be.
faith; in the love so freely given from above.

faith; do you have it?
10:47 p.m. on 2006-03-25

student council. (:

argh. to join council? or not to join?

i dont know.

what say you?

5:20 p.m. on 2006-03-22

come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.

mark 6:31

take me over. make me strong.
2:56 p.m. on 2006-03-19

whatever.

you all dont understand. you dont know how i feel.

this is like some big joke GOd's playing on me.

ever since i got my O level results, everything has been going downhill.

from the time i collected my results, to getting into jj, till today.

is it wrong to enjoy myself and make so many new friends in jj? i dont know. maybe its wrong to fit in so well.

maybe its wrong to be so friendly. maybe its wrong to be sociable. i dont know.

gah. i hate this feeling.

i'm 17. not 7.

i can differentiate between right and wrong.

so stop treating me like a kid.

i know you are concerned, but there's a limit to it.

blah blah blah.

and i'm sorry it had to end this way.
7:45 p.m. on 2006-03-15

our first og outing! (:

heh. sentosa was funfunfun.

got dunked into the sea. HA. not funny.

hahahas. we were like. deprived kids. LOL.

then i went down to watch jj vs acsi rugby. LOL.

okay. we didnt lose THAT badly. just by a small lil' margin. hahas.

good job guys!

anyways click here for the og outing photos.

10:01 p.m. on 2006-03-14

i wish.

BLAH BLAH BLAH.

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwyz.

if only...

1:48 p.m. on 2006-03-13

blahhhhh.

seriously. i dont understand.

im pissed. i feel damn screwed.

i dont careee.

you egoistic, pokkai, act-cute BLAH.

i give up.

its really not funny.

you may find it amusing. but it's so not.

will YOU just leave me alone.

gosh.
11:48 p.m. on 2006-03-12

that's where you find love

i never expected it to turn out this way. i admit. i went to camp with an expectation. i expected it to be something like what we've always done in mg.

but no. this camp is different. its unique. it's something i've never done before .

i never expected it to turn out this way.

i'm glad for the new friendship forged.

jj night. just indescribable. (: you've gotta experience it yourself.

it's beyond what words can measure.

i went to jj as an individual. i thought i was going to be a loner. i felt like i didnt fit in.

but i have proved it all wrong.

not only have i fit in, i've also made a lot of new friends, who make me feel so special. (:

i'll always remember the lessons taught. (: the memories in my heart i'll keep. (:

i wanna thank the OGLs, who made all this possible.
and also each and every single one of you in OG04. for without you guys, all this wouldnt have been made possible. (:

in your eyes
i found the greatest prize
you and i could not be closer

and in your arms
its everything i want
now i know my search is over

and i dont know where you take me
but it's exactly where i wanna be

it's where the stars line up
it's where the oceans touch
its in a place you've never been that feels like home
it's in the air right now
it's where you give your all
and give a little more
i've never been so sure
that's where you find love

people pass
and listen to us laugh
wishing that they had the same thing

and our friends they ask
how we made it last
i just smile and say the same thing

i'm not sure how we got here
baby i'm just glad you got here

it's where the stars line up
it's where the oceans touch
it's in a place you've never been that feels like home
it's in the air right now
it's where you give your all
and give a little more
i've never been so sure
that's where you find love

that's where you find love

it's where the stars line up
it's where the oceans touch
it's in a place you've never been that feels like home

it's in the air right now
it's where you give your all
and give a little more
i've never been this sure
that's where you find love

find love
that's where you find love
6:06 p.m. on 2006-03-10

(: jj o2

hahas okay. orientation camp. day 1. it was quite fun. we got wet. like ALL wet. then we got dried by the sun. BUT got wet again.

and PT is NO fun. i tell you. we did 5 push ups. and it's not like, one, two, three kinda thing. it's like. Z [does one push up], E [does second push up], R [does third push up], O [does fourth push up], zero [does fifth push up]. BLEAH.

and everytime we dont count properly or say "BEGIN" and "CHANGE" we RESTART. YEA.

now i've got abbrasions on my knee. =/

i'm still pissed at the guy who slammed the door on my finger and causing my nail to chip so much. =( it HURTS. POK. you ungentlemanly man. HMPHFF

blah blah blah.

my og is probably the smallest og. with like. 12 girls and 4 guys? hahahas.

and you're probably wondering why i'm home when i'm supposed to still be at camp.

cause i fell ill, had gastric, was feeling so sick so i came back.

and im' losing my voice. hahahas.

xi shua shua xi shua shua
xi shua shua aoy aoy
xi shua shua xi shua shua
brrr aoy aoy
xi shua shua xi shua shua
xi shua shua aoy aoy

that's REAL funny. you need to hear it. hahahas.

okok.

jj night's tonight. (: hahahs. and it's the last night of camp. (:(:(:

sooooooooooooooo

i'm off to camp again!! (:

2:31 p.m. on 2006-03-09

the first day______________________

hahas first day of school.

it was rather fun, yet quite a cultural shock. i never heard such cheers, or cheered as much as i did today. or speak so much chinese. or dance with a guy.

-.-

its weird. its weird to end your cheers with 'GO JJ'. for the past many years it's been 'GO MG'.

HAHA. and for the FIRST time in my life i learnt a chinese cheer.

yuan de bu na, bian de na. bian de bu na, yuan de na. yuan de na, bian de na. yuan de bian de tong tong na.

say it fast. it's FUNNY. oh but i forgot the first part. something about apples and oranges.

hahahhahs. their cheers are really hilarious. i havent been so amused in a really long time.
i miss the blue and pink buildings. the familiar faces. the warm environment.

i miss the oh-so-friendly-teachers whom you can just say hi and scream to along the corridor when you meet them.
i miss the friends, who give you a hug willingly when you ask for one. or those photo frenzy. where we just take photos like no one's business.
i miss the uniform. the pinafore and the badge. the 3 finger above the slit rule. the mg socks.
i miss the brown benches. the uncle's nasi lemak.
the chapels. the devotions.
the christian environment i've been in for the past 10 years.

its so different in jj. i dont know anyone. i feel like a misfit.

some alien from outer space.

is this how the outside world is like?

maybe i've really been too sheltered.

i mean, it's usual for your parents to drive you to school. but here, if you get driven to school, you're like the richest kid there. [by the way, the school gate wont even be open for you to drive in]

everyone speaks a different lingo, they talk about different stuff, they come from such DIFFERENT backgrounds.

its tough.

it's difficult to change what you've been doing the past 10 years.

i guess i'll take some time to adapt to this.

well just hope that i wont look like a fool learning the other 10 mass dances.

i love you i love you i love you.
7:56 p.m. on 2006-03-06

yayyayyay

okay. this is it.

new start. new beginning.

i'm excited.

jj here i comee! (:
9:47 a.m. on 2006-03-03

yaddaryaddar

teaching primary 5 kids is NO FUN. like. seriously.
they're mischevious and playful.
70% of the time is spent shouting and scolding them.
the other 30% is spent on trying to carry on with the lesson.
and i assure you, only 10% of what you say in class actually gets into their brains.
GAHGAHGAH.
its like fighting a losing battle every week.
pok.

OH! and congrats jonk! so happy for you! (:
haha. he aced his A levels. (:
10:14 a.m. on 2006-03-02

love (:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not
proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it
keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. I CORINTHIANS 13:4-7

Lord,

Because love is patient Help me to be slow to judge, but quick to listen.
Hesitant to criticize, but eager to encourage,

remembering your endless patience with me.

Because love is kind
Help my words to be gentle and my actions to be thoughtful.
Remind me to smile and to say Please and Thank You
because those little things still mean so much.

Because love does not envy or boast, and it is not proud
Help me have a heart that is humble and sees the good in others.
May I celebrate and appreciate all that I have and all that I am,
as well as doing the same for those around me.

Because love is not rude or self-seeking
Help me to speak words that are easy on the ear and on the heart.
When I'm tempted to get wrapped up in my own little world,
remind me there's a great big
world out there full of needs and hurts.

Because love is not easily angered and keeps no record of wrongs
Help me to forgive others as you have forgiven me.
When I want to hold onto a grudge,
gently help me release it so I can reach out with a hand of love instead.

Because love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth
Help me stand up for what is right and good.
May I defend the defenseless, and help the helpless.
Show me how I can make a difference.

Because love always protects and always trusts
Help me to be a refuge for those around me.
When the world outside is harsh and cold,
may my heart be a place of acceptance and warmth.

Finally, because love always perseveres
Help my heart continually beat with love for You and others.

thank You for showing us what that word really means.

2:41 p.m. on 2006-02-25

blahblahblah

piano exam tomorrow. hahas. OKAY i'm not really scared, but i just feel a lil' teeny weeny bit unprepared. pokk.

and then i've still got sunday school lessons to prepare.

AND i promised to start studying econs but I'VE YET TO GET NOTES. *ehem.

maybe it's a blessing in disguise.
3:55 p.m. on 2006-02-21

thank you Lord.

Thank you Lord for the trials that come my way
In the way I can grow each day
As I let you lead
And I thank you Lord
For the patience those trials bring
In that process of growing
I can learn to care

But it goes against the way I am
To put my human nature down
And let the Spirit take control of all I do
'cos when those trials come
My human nature shouts the things to do
And God's soft prompting
Can be easily ignored

But I thank you Lord
With each trial I feel inside
That you're there to help and guide
My way from wrong
That with each testing
That your way of escaping is easier to bear

Yes I thank you Lord
For the vict'ry growing brings
In surrender of everything
Life is so worthwile
And I thank you Lord
That when everything put in place
Out in front I can see your face
And it's there you belong
3:20 p.m. on 2006-02-12

for all He's done for me.

gah.

yesterday when i got my results. i was angry and disappointed. at myself. at God.

i knew my parents would be disappointed. they always told me they expected at least 3 distinctions.

but i didnt meet that expectation.

i wanted to cry my heart out. scream. shout.

i didnt know what to do. the only thing that was in my mind was - why God. why didnt you let me get the grades good enough to get into acjc.

why why why. i always wanted to get into acjc. i know my parents wanted me to get into acjc.

but why? why did i have to miss acjc but that small lil' margin? i worked so hard. mugged so hard.

although my parents said they were okay with my results, i still wasnt. i was frustrated.

i felt terrible. heavy hearted.

was this a joke?

but ms ho told us. to give thanks in all circumstances. and so i prayed to God. just as i began to thank Him for seeing me through the whole Os, and till today, i started to get angry again. i thought back. about how hard i studied. slept for only 5 hours a day. and spent the rest of the time studying. i didnt understand. i didnt know why i still did so badly.

i felt horrible, enraged, confused, disappointed, sad and dumb.

why do i always have to fall short?

i came straight home. sat in my room and cried. the more my mum tried to comfort me. the more i cried. i wanted to isolate myself from everyone. i wanted to be invisible.

but after a while, i took out my prelim results. and then i realized. i actually improved. from a f9 in amath to a b3. and i finally had an a1 for english. and for the rest of the subjects, i jumped at least 2 grades.

what more could i ask for.

then i took out my bible. and found myself in psalms 66.

1 Shout with joy to God, all the earth!

2 Sing the glory of his name;
make his praise glorious!

3 Say to God, "How awesome are your deeds!
So great is your power that your enemies cringe before you.

4 All the earth bows down to you; they sing praise to you, they sing praise to your name."
Selah

5 Come and see what God has done,
how awesome his works in man's behalf!

10 For you, O God, tested us;
you refined us like silver.

11 You brought us into prison
and laid burdens on our backs.

12 You let men ride over our heads;
we went through fire and water,
but you brought us to a place of abundance.

13 I will come to your temple with burnt offerings
and fulfill my vows to you-

14 vows my lips promised and my mouth spoke
when I was in trouble.

18 If I had cherished sin in my heart,
the Lord would not have listened;

19 but God has surely listened
and heard my voice in prayer.

20 Praise be to God,
who has not rejected my prayer
or withheld his love from me!

then at that time. i felt that God has definitely blessed me abundantly. through the months, He's seen me through so much. and really. He is amazing. awesome.

who am i to complain? who am i that God should send His son to die on the cross for me? who am i that God should love me?

so what if i cant get into acjc? maybe God has another greater plan for me in jj or pj.

then today. jonk told me that he could talk to mrs creffield and see if she could do anything. though i'm not pinning any hopes on that, at least, there is this glimmer of hope that i might be able to get into acjc. but well, if i cannot, i'll still be as contented in jj

and after all, it's not which jc you get into, but whether you're willing to work hard for the As.

and today at small group, God reminded me that i am doing everything to please Him, and not men. not my parents, not my teachers, not my friends. but for God.

(:

Jesus, all for Jesus
All I am and have
And ever hope to be
Jesus, all for Jesus
All I am and have
And ever hope to be

All of my
Ambitions, hopes, and plans
I surrender these
Into your hands

For it's only in
Your will that I am free
For it's only in Your will that I am free

8:39 p.m. on 2006-02-11

aseiurybsapityashnopt

go ahead.

mock. laugh.

whatever.
4:45 p.m. on 2006-02-10

(: something encouraging

You say: "It's impossible."
God says: All things are possible. (Luke 18:27)

You say: "I'm too tired."
God says: I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: "Nobody really loves me."
God says: I love you. (John 3:16 & John 13:34)

You say: "I can't go on."
God says: My grace is sufficient. (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

You say: "I can't figure things out."
God says: I will direct your steps. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

You say: "I can't do it."
God says: You can do all things through Christ who strengthens. (Philippians 4:13)

You say: "I'm not able."
God says: I am able. (II Corinthians 9:8)

You say: "It's not worth it."
God says: It will be worth it. (Roman 8:28)

You say: "I can't manage."
God says: I will supply all Your needs. (Philippians 4:19)

You say: "I'm afraid."
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear. (II Timothy 1:7)

You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated."
God says: Cast all your cares on ME. (I Peter 5:7)

You say: "I don't have enough faith."
God says: I have given everyone a measure of faith. (Romans 12:3)

You say: "I'm not smart enough."
God says: I give you wisdom .(I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: "I feel all alone."
God says: I will never leave you or forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5)

You say: "I can't forgive myself."
God says: I FORGIVE YOU. (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

(:(:(:(:(:
5:46 p.m. on 2006-02-09